When is it their stuff?

I am a person of self-reflection. I am aware enough to know when something about someone else triggers me or I dislike a quality of theirs, I go within and I ask the question....is this a shadow part of me? I have learned a great deal about myself by doing this practice for the better part of 10 years. I'm not afraid to look at my shadow parts. I'm not afraid to learn and grow from them. I also learn from listening to how others perceive me. Where I struggle is knowing when what they are saying about me is truth and when it is simply them projecting their shadow self onto me. When to know this is their deal, not mine. And actually, to be real with myself it's not a matter of knowing when this occurs because your spirit/soul/inner being always knows the truth; it's being strong enough to hand it back to them and say "here, this is yours, I will not take it on." You take a risk when you do this. You may lose people you love. But I know deep from my spirit to live authentically, this is a very necessary step...and I am at peace.